Is School Interfering with My Learning?

I know what the purpose of homework is.  At least I think I do.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it's to give me a chance to practice what I've learned, and/or to increase my understanding of a concept outside of

I really do love school... Usually

class.  Furthermore, I know the purpose of due dates.  In my future career, I will most likely have dates when I will have to have projects or jobs finished.  Also, having due dates teaches responsibility and planning.  Now that that's established, I'm about to say some very mean things about homework, and I hope the reader will remember what I have already said.

Lately some interesting things have occurred in my education.  The other week I had a large homework load, with several tests to take within a few days, and the due dates for some projects were and are still looming before me.  I felt burnt out, but powered through the assignments, including one large paper.  This paper in particular was difficult because I would have to find two articles to back up what I'd already found in a book.  With everything going on that week, there simply wasn't time to find the articles, and I personally felt that what I had from the sources I'd already cited was good enough.  I also realized that if I didn't turn in the paper on time, I would get a 0 for that assignment, which would take me down to a B- in the class.  If, however, I could get only a 50%, I would keep an A-.  So I decided to skip the articles, turn in the paper the way it was, and actually do my Astronomy homework also due that day.  Something was better than nothing, right?

I was commiserating with my boyfriend and our mutual friend later that week about school, and our mutual friend mentioned that he had not yet turned in an assignment that had been due for nearly a week because he wanted it to be done just right; every day it was late he would lose a few percentage points, but he didn't mind as long as he could do a good job on it and be proud of the work he'd done.  My boyfriend and I looked at each other and basically agreed (paraphrasing Sweet Brown), "Quality work?  Ain't nobody got time for that!"  I have, sadly, been struggling just to get my assignments finished.  I know what I need to do to get a decent grade, and whether or not it's my best work I turn it in once it's done and move on to the next one.  That's all I have time for.

But I envy that friend who cares more about being proud of his work than about his grade.  After that conversation, I realized that for many of my classes, I have not learned a thing; I have done homework, and I have studied, but I have not learned.

Then something else happened.  It has become fairly clear that I am not going to be accepted to medical school this year.  While this is a blow, what's worse is knowing what to do next.  If I were to reapply this year, my application would need to show that I have had multiple new experiences since the least time I applied in order to be taken seriously.  I reviewed the last year and realized that I'd only volunteered at a retirement home for a total of 15 hours, and written my Honors Thesis.  That isn't enough to be truly significant.

I felt like an idiot.  Why hadn't I done more research or worked at a hospital or volunteered as a mentor?  I had two semesters and, basically, all I'd done was... school.  I'd been trying to keep my GPA high and take a few last undergraduate classes before moving on to more focused studies.  I thought over each of my 4.5 years of college and wondered, "What have I been doing?"  I realized that my extracurricular activities should have been more important than my schoolwork.  I should have taken more time to serve the community, get involved in more clubs, and work.  My best experiences have probably included tutoring at an elementary school, shadowing a physician, and serving the elderly.  But I didn't do much of those things because I was busy with school.

That's not to say I haven't enjoyed many of my college courses.  Anatomy, Physiology, Dissection Techniques, and Genetics were some of my favorites.  I've enjoyed nearly all my English classes (which is good, because that was my major).  I remember writing a paper about hair archetypes in art and how they have changed through the ages, and I loved it.  In that same class a group of students and I made a pamphlet describing how to wax a snowboard; it was fun.  That instructor told us to do whatever we wanted for our project, and so we got to be creative.  It seems that whenever I'm free to learn at my own pace in my own way about whatever I want, I like it more, I learn more, and I retain more.

I don't completely blame school or my instructors for what's happened; obviously I have to put forth effort and desire in order to enjoy learning.  But I have noticed that in classes where I have a list of things I have to do (I'm talking about stuff like, "You must write a five page paper on why birds fly south, and you must have four sources and at least one must be a book and at least one must be an article, and you have to use the vocabulary discussed in class"), I will absolutely do them, but it will be rote and with the minimum effort I can give.  And I will pull off an A.  In classes where I can learn about a subject I'm interested in without too many constraints, I'll run free and make a masterpiece, and I'll remember it forever.  I have gotten lots of B's in my favorite classes, but I don't regret those B's.  They were hard-won.

I can't blame a professor for giving homework, though I do resent it when he or she gives me a list of tasks rather than a plate of topics to learn about.  But I will say this: I wish I had done what I love more, instead of doing what I had to in order to get a grade.